Ian's Passing

Last Friday night I spoke as part of a candlelight vigil for a 16-year old transgender boy who took his life. Such moments are never easy, but this one was especially hard for me for two reasons.

The first reason was that on the previous Tuesday I had buried my father. I felt the cumulative weight of these deaths. I will miss my father but, in many ways, his passing seemed right. It freed him from a very painful battle with cancer and released him to heaven. We celebrated his life with fond remembrances of many happy occasions.

Ian – the transgender boy – had a death that seemed premature; like many suicides. He was a gentle, creative, friend of many and had a very supportive family. He had been “out” as Ian for a little over two years. While chronologically quite different, both my dad and Ian were released from pain.

Ian’s pain was not from being transgender; he and his family celebrated how God made him. His pain came from a world that was not ready for him. Many today would still rather cause pain than open their hearts up to people who are different. Sadly many do so from presumed religious perspectives; “presumed” because the hate and shame they seek to voice runs counter to the very teachings of their faith. Ian felt no shame for who he was, but died, in part, from the shame that others thrust upon him.

The second reason that Ian’s vigil was hard is that, like many transgender people, I once stood at the brink of that dark, life-ending precipice. What kept me from passing over was a combination of many people praying for me, my love for Joanne and my boys (and their families), and a new-found resolve that hit me hard at that very moment of destiny. The resolve was to not let hate, ignorance, and discrimination claim another life. The resolve saved me, but did not protect Ian.

The world desperately needs more resolved to not let hate – from whatever source (especially the presumed religious) – keep destroying lives. As we sang “We Shall Overcome” at the vigil, tears rolled down my eyes. I was reminded that the battle against hate has a long history and that more soldiers are needed.

I hope you will be one.