The Longest Night

Journal Musings
December 24, 2007

Yesterday we went to a Longest Night service at our church. This service is held annually near the Winter Solstice (longest night). It is designed to bring comfort and solace to those that suffered a loss during the year and are grieving; a very real need for many during the holidays. I was invited because of my father’s death at the end of October. We met in the late afternoon as a very intimate group of quiet mourners.

On the way to the service, Joanne and I encountered a funeral procession turning onto the road in front of us; an extremely rare occurrence but especially so on a cold, wintry, late Sunday afternoon. We followed the mournful procession for 3 or 4 miles. The slow pace gave me plenty of time to think. As I thought about my grieving, I realized that my grief for the loss of my father was just a part of what I was dealing with this year. Grief, like many things, is cumulative in its impact on us. We don’t grieve in isolated partitions but rather with one grief burden to which new grief gets added. The bundle we carry just grows until we are able to deal with it collectively or in bits and pieces..

This past year, I dealt with the grief of loss in many ways: a lost job; a loss of friends; being asked to leave both a church and a small study group; some broken family ties; loss of my former personal and professional identity (no regrets but a gain that does come with a loss); and deaths. The biggest addition to my grief bundle was the death of transgender people who either were brutally murdered or, in despair, took their own life. The hardest for me was the 16-year old boy at whose vigil I spoke. Ian’s tragic passing lingers with me.

In the providence of God, the funeral procession became part of the healing process. There is something about naming our sorrows that helps us begin to deal with them. Experts say that the first stage that we go though in the grief process is denial. Naming our grief enables our steps in finding comfort, because we then know where our need for comfort rests.

The service used Scripture readings, reflections, and hymns to speak to our grief. Our meditation together was framed around the lighting of the Advent candles, but with the candles given a new meaning for those gathered in grief. The candles represented loneliness, regrets, anger, peace and then the Christ candle reminding us of his presence even in the midst – perhaps especially in the midst – of our sorrow. As we sat, I thought of the words from an old gospel song: “I am tired, I am weak, I am worn.” The song is Precious Lord Take my Hand. He has.

As we sat, there were a lot of tears; wellsprings of sorrow that would become seeds of healing. Yes, our collective grief was and is very real but the Longest Night service really isn’t just about the night. Even the darkest, coldest, and longest nights end with a sunrise. Isn’t that what the first Christmas morn was about?

Merry Christmas with much love,
Julie

God's Diversity Christmas

God loves celebrating diversity. It began with creation and continues through today. Even Christmas is a celebration of diversity.

The Christmas story is not just about a baby being born – even a very special baby – but it also includes God reaching out to diverse people. Jesus didn’t come as a king, he came in humility as a baby to a poor family. God reaches out to the poor. God did include kings (or wise men) in the story in reaching across diverse cultural and ethnic borders to bring good news to a people that weren’t expecting it. Of course, there were also the shepherds being scared nearly to death by God’s pleasure in surprising us and reaching out to the lowly. Being a shepherd was very close to the bottom of the economic and social ranks of the time. They weren’t trusted (their testimony wasn’t even allowed in the courts!), they didn’t smell good, and nobody wanted to be near them . . . but God.

My blog is titled “Celebrating Diversity”, in part, because I believe that – celebrating diversity - is what God does. God delights in the diversity of humankind; He celebrates the richness of his creation. I believe that includes diversity in sexual orientation, gender, sex, ethnicity, culture . . . even religion (the wise men weren’t Jewish!). When that Divine baby grew and began his public ministry, he demonstrated God’s diversity again and again in reaching out to those the religious of his day wanted nothing to do with. Today many people of faith are catching on and joining God’s celebration of diversity. My heart aches for those that are missing God’s celebration and – in the process – His blessing. They will have to wait until heaven to celebrate what some of us are celebrating now.

So Merry Christmas. Enjoy the wildly diverse songs, gifts, and people that make for a wonderful celebration. Join me in celebrating diversity; it's part of what Christmas is all about.
Warm Christmas Blessings,
Julie

Ian's Passing

Last Friday night I spoke as part of a candlelight vigil for a 16-year old transgender boy who took his life. Such moments are never easy, but this one was especially hard for me for two reasons.

The first reason was that on the previous Tuesday I had buried my father. I felt the cumulative weight of these deaths. I will miss my father but, in many ways, his passing seemed right. It freed him from a very painful battle with cancer and released him to heaven. We celebrated his life with fond remembrances of many happy occasions.

Ian – the transgender boy – had a death that seemed premature; like many suicides. He was a gentle, creative, friend of many and had a very supportive family. He had been “out” as Ian for a little over two years. While chronologically quite different, both my dad and Ian were released from pain.

Ian’s pain was not from being transgender; he and his family celebrated how God made him. His pain came from a world that was not ready for him. Many today would still rather cause pain than open their hearts up to people who are different. Sadly many do so from presumed religious perspectives; “presumed” because the hate and shame they seek to voice runs counter to the very teachings of their faith. Ian felt no shame for who he was, but died, in part, from the shame that others thrust upon him.

The second reason that Ian’s vigil was hard is that, like many transgender people, I once stood at the brink of that dark, life-ending precipice. What kept me from passing over was a combination of many people praying for me, my love for Joanne and my boys (and their families), and a new-found resolve that hit me hard at that very moment of destiny. The resolve was to not let hate, ignorance, and discrimination claim another life. The resolve saved me, but did not protect Ian.

The world desperately needs more resolved to not let hate – from whatever source (especially the presumed religious) – keep destroying lives. As we sang “We Shall Overcome” at the vigil, tears rolled down my eyes. I was reminded that the battle against hate has a long history and that more soldiers are needed.

I hope you will be one.

A New T Rebellion

In many ways the current T rebellion parallels the revolutionary tea rebellion. Like the Boston rebels, it’s all about a small band of committed people who no longer willingly tolerate discrimination and who go against the idea pushed by the faint of heart and self-absorbed that if we just wait long enough everything will get better. Life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness were pronounced then as unalienable rights. These rights now seem to be alienable to Barney Frank and the Democratic Party leadership. To them being able to work (life, liberty, and – depending on your job – the pursuit of happiness) are not for T’s (transgender people whose gender identity and/or gender expression are different than mainstream America). The argument that we should “wait awhile and we will come back and get you” was tried in 1776, again in the late 19th century with women’s rights, and, most recently, with the civil rights efforts of the 1960’s. It was a bogus argument every time and still is. Equality should not be a “wait your turn” issue. Frank, Pelosi, et al have shamed their party and all who believe in a just and fair America.

Like many civil rights movements, the outcry has not come from only those most impacted. LGB and civil rights friends have allied with T’s to cry out for a fundamental fairness that keeps the T in equaliTy. Over 200 state and national organizations have made it clear that they do not want a legislation that leaves out trans people. Of all the major organizations only the misnamed Human Rights Campaign has failed to take this position.

Urge your congressional representative to vote yes on an inclusive ENDA (Employment Non-Discrimination Act) and against any legislation that continues to support discrimination against gender expression and gender identity. Pease call or email today.

On Chasing Lions

The senior pastor at my youngest son's church posted these wise words and beautiful imagery:

Quit living as if the purpose of life is to arrive safely at death. Set God-sized goals. Pursue God-ordained passions. Go after a dream that is destined to fail without divine intervention. Keep asking questions. Keep making mistakes. Keep seeking God. Stop pointing out problems and become part of the solution. Stop repeating the past and start creating the future. Stop playing it safe and start taking risks. Expand your horizons. Accumulate experiences. Enjoy the journey. Find every excuse you can to celebrate everything you can. Live like today is the first day and last day of your life. Don't let what's wrong with you keep you from worshiping what's right with God. Burn sinful bridges. Blaze a new trail. Criticize by creating. Worry less about what people think and more about what God thinks. Don't try to be who you're not. Be yourself. Laugh at yourself. Quit holding out. Quit holding back. Quit running away.Chase the lion.

Posted by Mark Batterson on his blog on 10/15.07. http://www.evotional.com/2007/10/lion-chasers-manifesto.html

Community and Integrity

Donna Rose’s beautiful, passionate, and heartfelt resignation letter from her position on the board of the Human Rights Campaign (Rose Letter ) begins with two words: “Community.” and “Integrity”. She writes of her hurt and sense of betrayal as well as her ongoing commitment to equality and basic human rights. It is an outstanding letter from the hands, heart, and mind of a very beautiful person.

Part of Donna’s beauty is her focus on the community and integrity which are such core values for the LGBT equality movement. It is a movement – with rolling momentum in both governmental and corporate halls of power – but, a movement that becomes shallow, cold, and cynical without community and integrity.

All of us have a desire to belong; to be in a sharing and caring relationship with others. We want to be in community. Many of us have lost communities: family, friends, churches, jobs in the coming out process. At the time, the losses seemed fathomless in the void they left. Many are still working through some of that pain. Yet, we have found new communities of love, hope, and faith that a better future is possible.

In the last few weeks I have been at two different events: the largest conference in the country for transgender people and a large state dinner for LGBT people and their allies. The pervasive sense of love and belonging – of family – at these gatherings confirms the sense of belonging and “rightness” in our openness and, for some, “outness” to the world about who we are. Our sense of family, our community, comes from our shared integrity.

The sense of oneness and wholeness that comes from seeking to live a life of integrity does not replace the losses we feel. We still grieve losses, but our new community and the energizing power of integrity not only “get us through”, but they bring love, laughter, and peace to our lives. As corny as it sounds, this integrity is about “life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness”. These core American values are what bring passion to our movement. They are inalienable rights for all . . . even us. That is why ENDA deserves your unwavering, whole-hearted, inclusive support.

Thanks Donna.

Food for thought

Here’s some food for thought:

A friend recently sent me the results of research done by the insurance industry on the incidence of transgender people in the United States. Their research concludes that there are approximately 20 million transgender people in this country and that about 400,000 of those are, like me, transsexuals (the severe end of the transgender spectrum of “gender identity disorder”).

This correlates very well with the research done by Lynn Conway from the University of Michigan finding that the incidence of transsexualism is about one in every 250 people in the United States. It supports the conclusions of Dr. Roughgarden (Harvard PhD and professor at Stanford) that transsexuals are unusual (statistical outliers) but well within the statistical definition of “normal”

So why are legal protections and societal acceptance so hard to come by? Think “women”, “blacks”, “disabled” and you will realize that the majority in power never easily accepts differences. Whether it is because they don’t want to admit that “they” are “us” too (my family, your family, our family), or because they fear a dilution of power, or just because they don’t want to acknowledge the rich diversity in God’s creation really doesn’t matter. It still hurts both society and people like me.

Sadly the one organization that should be leading the way in embracing all people (“God so loved the world”) often is the last to come to acceptance as illustrated in the church’s historic reluctance to accept blacks and see women as equal to men. Praying and working for change, Julie.

Bush and Jesus

Now that hate crimes legislation protecting LGBT people from violent acts has passed both houses of congress, President Bush has a dilemma. He says he will veto the hate crimes law (Matt Shepherd’s Law) but it is attached to a defense appropriation bill. To try to veto this important and necessary protection would, in effect, be saying that hate crimes against Americans that comes from foreign soil (religious terrorists) must be battled, but that hate crimes against Americans from Americans (bigots and religious terrorists) is okay.

I hope the President finally awakens to the fact that pandering to the lies, misrepresentations, and scare tactics of the religious right is neither in his best interest nor the country’s. He doesn’t need to ask “What would Jesus do?” because he has a more certain answer in asking “What DID Jesus do?” That answer is simple. Jesus befriended and sought to protect the oppressed of his day from the attacks of the religious right. Once that was done, as a friend he said to some, “Go and sin no more.” But to others, he simply said nothing but just loved them as God had made them. What a radical concept!

Heros Needed

I don’t feel like a hero. To my shame, I was a reluctant activist. I would write congressmen and senators and give to civil rights organizations, but it was all behind the scenes. The actions taken against me by the university where I worked gave me the kick in the pants (or skirt) I needed. Now I expect to be as active and vocal as I can as long as I can.

This week I had two incidents that shook me a little. At Transgender Michigan’s Pride in the Park I had three different people come up to me and tell me that I was a hero to them. Then yesterday, someone wrote to me, “Thanks again, Julie - The world has long needed a strength like you.” I don’t feel like a hero. What makes others think that? I have reached two tentative conclusions. First, every movement needs leaders who – like it or not – are perceived as heroes. Second, we need - desperately need - more heroes.

What made me a “hero”? It was a little over a year ago when I sat in a rocking chair in our living room with a handgun in my lap. I had composed an email to be sent that began with the words, “By the time you read this, I will be dead.” Then God broke through. I had a lot of friends praying for me during those very dark and difficult days. I believe their prayers saved my life. As I sat wrestling in my mind, I realized I loved my wife and kids (and grandson) too much to end my life. And in that moment I decided to not let hate and discrimination claim another victim. I chose to live and I chose to do all that I can to keep hate and discrimination ruining or ending as many other lives as I could.

So I began to tell me story and Joanne often was able to share her story as well. In God’s providence the story was told and people listened. For over a month I averaged 2-3 media interviews a weekday; including everything from student newspapers and local media to Fox News, Newsweek, and the Wall Street Journal. I was getting 80-100 emails a day from people encouraged by the story to be vocal, active, or supportive. All I did was tell my story and seek to live as authentic a life as I could. I guess that made me a hero. I don’t feel like a hero, but if that is what I am, more are needed. Want to be a hero? Tell your story and/or encourage others to tell theirs. You will be a hero . . . at least to me.

Hate Crimes Bill

Wade Henderson, president of the Leadership Conference on Civil Rights, a coalition of nearly 200 religious and civil liberties groups recently called the Hate Crimes Bill now before the Senate "one of the most important civil rights issues currently facing the country.

The measure would expand coverage of federal hate crimes laws to include sexual orientation, gender, gender identity, and disability, adding them to racial, ethnic, and religious categories already protected under the law. It would allow federal assistance to local law enforcement authorities and federal intervention in situations of violence when local authorities did not adequately perform their job.

Citing scare tactics by some social conservatives, Henderson said, "It is important to say explicitly that the bill will not trample the First Amendment; it will not criminalize speech; it will not infringe upon religious liberty."

"The bill is about simple justice. Passing it sends a signal to the entire country that no one ... should be the victim of hate crime violence."

Hilary Shelton, director of the Washington, D.C. bureau of the NAACP, said the 1998 murder of James Byrd, where he was chained to and dragged behind a car in a small town in Texas, "would not have been considered a hate crime" unless the attorney general "was willing to stretch existing hate crimes policies."

Bishop Carlton Pearson of Tulsa, Oklahoma, has voiced upset at some African American pastors' vocal opposition to the legislation. He believes they are not the real voice of the African American community.

"Right wing [white] fundamentalists are coordinating and motivating them to be vocal," he charged. "Their motivation is often either fear, or money, or both. It is not the love of God or people."

Amen. Call your senators and urge them to support the hate crimes (Matthew Shepherd) amendment.

Newsweek

Today’s Newsweek (dated May 21st) has as its cover story a very good article on transgender people and issues in America. It is also available on their web site. I was interviewed as part of the story and there is a nice picture of Joanne and me in the magazine. In general they came pretty close to understanding and articulating things well; even though they did get some facts about me (name – I am Julie – and surgery) wrong.

Newsweek’s conversation with me was primarily about religious issues related to being transgender. I explained to them that the blatant discrimination against transgender people (and often the whole LGBT rainbow) was without Biblical warrant and counter to the clear teaching of Jesus summarizing all of the law and prophets with calls to love relationships and actions toward God and all people. MY web site has an article on Old Testament law and New Testament grace and I will gladly email other writings to any who ask for them.

For me, being Julie has brought authenticity to my relationship with God and a depth to worship beyond anything I have ever known. Should it surprise us that when we come before God without pretense that this should happen? God made me (or allowed me to become) the person I am. I am Julie and I love the Lord with all my heart and am walking faithfully with Him.

Joanne and I have been faithfully waiting upon God’s leading every step of our journey these last few years. Sometimes we have felt like Abraham in “going” but being not quite sure where we were headed. But we have walked by faith every step of the way and have seen God before us and felt His presence with us again and again. Those that confuse human teaching and cultural conditioning with God’s Word have trouble with this. Those that know our hearts have walked with us.

God has made a world filled with the joy of differences. Animals, flowers, and even bugs display a God of immense creative diversity creating many marvelous expressions of His pleasure throughout the universe. LGBT people are part of that wonderful diversity of God’s world. We honor Him when we celebrate the diversity He has given to us.

ENDA

ENDA, the Employment Non-Discrimination Act of 2007 (also H.R. 2015), is a clear and direct bill before congress to “prohibit employment discrimination on the basis of sexual orientation or gender identity.” When I speak and consult, many people are surprised – some shocked – to discover that these protections are not already in place. They aren’t.

ENDA not only prohibits this discrimination it does so in a way which connects with both the definitions and remedies of prior legislative acts; especially the Civil Rights Act of 1964. Basically it is illegal to refuse to hire or to fire or to “limit, segregate or classify” on the basis of actual or perceived sexual orientation or gender identity. Retaliation for employees claiming discrimination is forbidden. At the same time, reasonable dress and grooming standards are allowed as long as they are uniformly applied to all. For transgender people, the applicable standard is the one for the gender “to which the employee has transitioned or is transitioning.”

The exceptions are few and clear. The act does not apply to the military or to some religious corporation employment practices. The religious exception is limited to organizations (including educational institutions) whose “primary purpose” is religious ritual, worship, or the teaching or spreading of religious doctrine or belief.” For organizations whose primary purpose is not defined this way, certain employees whose primary duties involve religious ritual, teaching or governance can be exempt. Additionally a religious entity can require that employees “in similar positions” adhere to religious standards that such an organization has declared “significant”.

If ENDA was in force a year ago, I would still be employed as a university professor at the Christian school where I worked for 16 years. I urge you to write or call your members of Congress to voice your strong support for ENDA. Surveys have indicated that over 80% of Americans support this kind of discrimination protection, but those who believe hate is a traditional family value are well-organized and have money to spend. Your voice is important.

Exciting Days

Today at 11 AM a housing briefing will be held to inform legislators of the urgent need for passage of the Local Law Enforcement Hate Crimes Prevention Act (H.R. 1592). At 3 PM Senators Kennedy (D) and Smith (R) will introduce an identical bill in the house. Both bills include protection for gender identity. The act is supported by more than 200 law enforcement, religious, and civil rights groups.

On Friday, Michigan State – one of five Big Ten schools not there yet – will vote on adding gender identity to its non-discrimination policy. It has been part of their anti-harassment policy since 2003.

These actions demonstrate the momentum this civil rights issue is gaining and stress the growing importance for businesses and non-profit organizations to have clear non-discrimination policies that include gender identity and appropriate gender expression. Chris Daly, of the Transgender Law Center, says that without these policies in place organizations could be increasing their chances of being liable in a discrimination complaint or lawsuit.

Of course the usual suspects may come out in favor of hate crimes by fighting this legislation. One of the favorite arguments is opposition to including what they call “behavioral choices” as a protected category. While I believe science clearly rejects their argument, I guess if they are right we should probably remove religion as a protected category too hmmm?

Contact your congressperson and senators to express your strong support for this legislation. I will be in Washington, D.C. to join with others in expressing the great need for this protection against a world that still nurtures hate against those that are different.

Why celebrate?

Celebrating diversity may seem like an unusual concept but that is a big part of what both my life and my consulting firm (Julie Nemecek Consulting) are all about. I am firmly convinced that the meaningful celebration of diversity in humankind (1) makes for a richer life, (2) is very good business sense, and (3) is God-honoring. That last reason probably requires the most unpacking for you to understand where I am coming from.

I believe that God created me and other people that are “different” (aren't we all?) for His purposes and His glory. Just like part of the enjoyment of roses is that they come in many hues, fragrances, and sizes, so too God has given us a richness in humankind that is to be treasured.

Celebrating diversity doesn’t mean that we have to agree with everyone else (anymore than we have to like every kind of rose), but it does mean that we will treat all people with dignity and respect. It also means learning to celebrate what we can learn from each other because we are different.

In the work world (profit and non-profit), accepting differences makes for better decision-making, a more expansive world view, and a healthier and more appealing work environment. Celebrating diversity simply makes good sense.